How to Reframe Selfish and Prioritize You
How dare you prioritize yourself? With an overly full schedule and days that are packed beyond what can actually get done, how can you possibly add time to prioritize yourself? I hear you and I see you high-achieving mamas, and I know you hold the world on your shoulders. I’ve been in your shoes, and know all too well the feelings of overwhelm. It can feel palpable at times, am I right?
Let me let you in on a secret, one that will give you hope and empowerment. You can't do it all without first focusing on your needs. It’s true, and whether you’ve heard this before and blown it off, or tried and it didn’t stick, I’m here to remind you that taking the time to learn to prioritize your needs, goals and desires will have a trickle down effect in all areas of your life.
Today I’ll to dig into the idea of reframing selfish, to help you understand that there are many ways that prioritizing your needs and goals isn’t selfish at all, and will actually be the best thing you’ve ever done! Let’s start shifting away from the traditional stereotype of the mama who puts everyone’s needs before her own, and learn how to reframe the concept of “selfish.” In doing so, you’ll better understand how this can play out in your real life, and empower the changes you’re longing to see.
Let’s clear the air to start, there are plenty of ways that people can choose to be selfish, but those are obvious and not where we’re focusing today. I’m talking about you, mama, the one who makes sure every single need is anticipated, met and cared for but at the end of the day you’re left feeling deflated and flat out exhausted. You’re looking for a way to feel the sense of joy, freedom and being carefree that you had in those years before kids. I wish I had a magic wand to be able to give you the best of both worlds, freedom of youth along with the fulfillment of parenthood, but no such luck my friend. Sadly I’m not a super hero! But I can give you guidance from my own life experience and expertise, and I think that may be the next best thing to super powers.
As a recovering perfectionist and control-freak I know how hard it is to try and put your own needs first. I heard the brilliant Arianna Huffington say “they take the baby out and put the guilt in” and isn’t that the truth? But we have to free ourselves from the notion that everyone else’s needs are somehow more important or more valid than our own. It’s simply not true! You matter, your needs are equal to anyone else’s and if you don’t stand up for yourself I’m willing to bet no one else will. Let that sink in, and empower you. By standing up for your own needs it’s not selfish, it’s actually the exact opposite. It teaches our family members respect, boundaries and the importance of prioritizing our own dreams.
The foundation of reframing selfish is the notion of filling your own cup first. Can you pour from an empty cup? No ma’am you surely cannot! But if your cup is full, or even half way full, you have something to give, share and contribute to others. It’s simply unrealistic to think we can fill others cups without focusing first on ourselves. This beautiful story is one I picture when I feel the pings of guilt when I’m going to workout, and I had to ask for help to have my kids cared for. I could easily blow off my workout and give that time to others, but I’d be left feeling resentful, sluggish, and disappointed. It took years of figuring this out, because it didn’t come naturally to me at all. But now I know, and most importantly my family knows. We talk about how Mom can have one hour, and when I come back I’ll be more ready to play and have fun, because I got time to do something I love. I’m thankful to have seen first hand how prioritizing my needs helps me show up as a better version of myself - one who’s less burned out and who’s ready to tackle what the week has in store.
We’re going to spend the next few weeks digging deeper into this idea of reframing selfish, so you can know and understand how to apply it to your own life. For now, if this idea has sparked inspiration, I’d encourage you to start with a micro-goal, one that is tiny and achievable, so you can feel the benefit right away. Tiny changes in the way you prioritize and show up for yourself has the ability to shift the energy in your home and in your relationships - give it a try and watch the magic unfold!
Get ready, I have great actionable and insightful posts coming your way that will help you learn how to reframe selfish in your own life!