What To Do When You're Not Ok
"I'm not ok!" This is a phrase I found myself repeating while crying in the shower. I feel like I have no space to myself in our house, and the shower felt like the one place I could sneak away to be alone, and just get it all out. All the fear and anxiety, constant stress and feelings of being completely helpless. It's all too much and frankly I'm not ok. If I had to guess, you may be telling people "I'm fine" while inside you feel numb or stressed beyond comprehension. Today marks day 159 of pandemic life for our family, and it's harder than I could have ever imagined this year could possibly be. It all leaves me feeling like I'm not ok, and don't know what to do with these feelings. Once I can take a small step away from my melt-downs I am able to find the space to look for wisdom in the sadness. Today I'm sharing with you, the most common root causes of feeling not ok, so you can discover what resonates with you. Most importantly I'll provide steps to move forward from the overwhelm.
Loneliness
At this point in the pandemic you may be starting to feel loneliness set in. I will admit this isn't a feeling I'm used to having. I have worked from a home office for over a decade, and I'm used to the fact I don't always see a lot of people in my day. In the past this has been fine and not a worry, but the pandemic changed that. I started feeling guilty for going out, even to open stores and with a mask on. Somehow I felt that I should be home, even if I was being smart about it. There have also been times when I realize that it's been 4-5 days and I haven't driven anywhere. No wonder I was feeling isolated! So if you're starting to feel pangs of loneliness too, I'd encourage you to seek ways that you can connect with friends and family in real life, in a safe way. One of my favorite ways has been sitting around a fire pit in my best friend's backyard. The fire pit spaces us automatically, but we can look at one another, have a wonderful conversation and enjoy time together in the safety of the outdoors. I encourage you to get creative too, find ways to feel true connection with the ones you love. I assure you that even a short time doing this will fill your heart. If a fire pit and wine isn’t your jam, I encourage you to search for what is. What small plan can you put on the calendar that gives you something to look forward to, and fills the void of loneliness that may be setting in.
Future
Do you find yourself picturing too far in the future and fretting over all the what if's? Do you feel behind for not knowing what to do, but at the same time feel like you're planning based on complete unknowns? It’s not you, it’s a sign of the times we’re in. I dug into this topic in-depth in a recent blog “How to manage stress when everything feels unknown” so if this is hitting home I highly recommend giving it a listen or read. What it boils down to is the future is completely unknown, and while it always has been, now it feels more important to grasp onto predictability and search for a way to plan for what lies ahead. As much as we all wish we had the magic wand with answers, the truth is the present moment is the only certainty we have. It’s ok to let go of trying to predict the future, because it’s only going to rob you of the potential joy of the moment you’re in. So take a deep breath, and focus on the moment you’re in, and find the good that lies in this very moment.
Lack of Boundaries
Do your kids come in and out of your office at any given moment? Does your spouse pop in during meetings to ask random questions only to find you're on a video conference call? Do you say you’ll work out today, only to put it off for all the other responsibilities on your plate? Working from home with your entire family home, and quarantine living, is honestly a hot mess - and I sincerely hope I’m not alone in this! It’s tough, the days are long, the routine is stagnant and where we used to put up boundaries, they seem to have melted away. I will use this time to encourage you to put back into place boundaries that serve you well, even with the times we’re in. Boundaries serve to help us, keep us safe and feeling supported. Without them our kids over run the house Lord of the Flies style, and we’re exhausted and depleted at the end of each day. I’m a work in progress on this, but even setting a couple of boundaries is better than none at all. In case you’re curious what this looks like at a minimum in my house, here you go. First, if Mom has her headset on, no one can come into the office. Secondly, Mom gets to move her body every day for a minimum of 30 minutes. That means Dad takes the girls and I workout. I do this to reset my mind, clear my head and feel like myself again.
Take a deep breath and as you let it go, consider what your body needs. Ask yourself that question, "what do I need right now to feel more ease?" We may not all listen to our inner guidance, but I assure you that it's there and waiting for you. Ask the question, close your eyes and wait for the answer. Then the hardest part, don't judge the answer. Your gut may tell you that you need a glass of water, and 5 minutes to sit outside by yourself. Your gut may tell you need to slow down. Whatever wisdom you're given don't judge it, and I'll admit that's hard. We want or expect a certain answer, and may not get that. But simply trust that the guidance given to you is right in this moment - what do you have to lose?
One bonus tip before you leave. My absolute best tried and true way to find relief is thru EFT tapping. For me, if I’m to a point of feeling lost and out of control, it’s EFT that will give me freedom and relief the quickest. If you’re curious to learn more about this powerful technique, check out my blog “EFT Tapping - woo woo or life changing?”
If this blog has inspired you, I invite you to join my community of high-achieving mamas who support, encourage & empower one another as we make healthy living doable in our real lives. Learn more about the Mindbody Collective, my holistic health coaching membership. You can click here to join the waitlist and receive amazing freebies while you wait for doors to reopen!