How to Reframe Selfish In Real Life
Let me let you in on a secret, one that will give you hope and empowerment. You simply can't do it all without first focusing on your needs. It’s true, and I’m here to remind you that taking the time to learn to prioritize your needs, goals and desires will have a trickle down effect in all areas of your life. Mama, you can have comfort in knowing I’m making this reminder for you but also for myself, because we all need to hear it as often as possible!
Today we’re taking a deeper dive into the idea of reframing selfish, and exploring the ways in real life that you can put this idea into action. We began to explore the idea of reframing selfish in “How to Reframe Selfish and Prioritize You” and I highly recommend listening or reading this post. If you’re anything like me you get inspired by ideas but then crave an action plan for how to make the recommendations doable in your daily life. Look no further, and let’s dig in to my how-to guide for reframing selfish!
Shift How You Speak To Yourself
Take a bit of time to listen and observe how you speak to yourself. Your inner dialog can tell a lot about how you view your own needs, dreams and goals. The key here is to observe without judgement, which is admittedly difficult. It’s ok to give yourself the space to observe and think it thru later. It can be shocking to realize how we talk to ourselves. I’ll be completely honest and tell you that when I first started this practice it was a bit heartbreaking to witness. I couldn’t believe the way I spoke to myself, and the messages I was telling myself all day long. I’m fortunate to be a naturally optimistic person, and I’m supportive, loyal and loving. Not one bit of that would come across in my inner voice, instead my voice was so lost in fear that it was demeaning, belittling and flat out mean. It’s fascinating and shocking to me that we can speak one way to everyone outside and be completely different to ourselves. So if this exercise in observation uncovers an “inner mean girl” for you too, please know you’re not alone, and that criticizing yourself for this voice will only make things worse. Observe, and know that it can change, if you want it to. I can honestly say that the way I speak to myself today is completely different than it was 2-3 years ago. Change is possible, but it takes awareness first.
Be Unapologetic
Give yourself one area to prioritize your needs, then be clear and unapologetic in what you're asking for. Don't feel guilty, or question the need. Whatever popped in your head first as the area to prioritize, that’s perfect for you right now. Don’t worry what others will think, it’s the right place to start. In order to start you have to stop putting everyone else's needs first. The first step in prioritizing you is to be unapologetic in asking for support. This could look like asking your spouse to watch the kids so you can go for a walk, asking your kids to play so you can take 10 minutes to meditate, or asking grandparents to take the kids for an hour so you can simply have time to fill your cup. The key is to ask for support, be unapologetic in the ask, and make it happen. I promise it’ll be empowering to see how this small shift can change how you show up and feel.
Give Yourself Time
You give to others all day long, whether you're at work, making meals for your family, shuttling to activities - you’re giving to others. Now it’s your turn to find time for yourself. Be realistic and start small, because I know this doesn’t come naturally. Maybe that looks like 15 min at the end of the day to read with a cup of tea. Or for you is it 30 minutes of solitude in the morning before your family is awake? Perhaps it’s 20 minutes to decompress after your work day and before Mom-mode kicks in? Find time that feels doable, even if it’s a stretch, and be honest with what you need. There are 24 hours in a day, you deserve 30 minutes for yourself!
I hope this message has left you feeling inspired and empowered to prioritize you, and that you now have a clear understanding of the power of reframing selfish. I’d love to hear form you! Share in the comments what you'll try today, so I can connect with you and support your journey.
PS - Have you received your 5 Step Guide to Reversing Burnout? It’s a wonderful resource and compliment to today’s message. Download yours today.