Do you ever wonder why change feels so hard? Why despite your best intentions, and putting in so much effort, your goals don’t stick in the long run?

I have a secret to share with you. It’s one of the questions I get asked most often by clients, in interviews, and in conversations with friends. What is the secret to making lasting change? Stick with me, and I’ll share my answer to this question, so you can start applying it to your life today.

What is the secret to making lasting change?

Here’s the deal with goals. With the best of intentions, we set out to make changes, big changes. We set out to achieve the big goal that’s been calling us for years. And that’s amazing, I wholeheartedly believe that if you want to achieve the massive goal in front of you, you will do it! Want to lose 25 pounds - you can. Want to start your own business alongside you’re raising your kids - amazing, you can. Want to run a half marathon this year, despite not having run since highschool - you got this.

The problem isn’t with the size of the goal it’s with the timeline we give ourselves to achieve the goal. If you’re anything like me, I dream big and then I decide upon a completely unrealistic timeline for achieving what I’m setting out to do. It’s not with ill intentions at all, I honestly believe when I’m starting out that this is not only totally doable - it’s also the right answer (have I mentioned I have a stubborn streak?).

So my secret to making lasting change has two parts. One part is the timeline and the second is the “how.” It’s taken me years to figure out the secret. We can keep the giant goal, but what we have to change is our expectation around when and how it’ll happen.

A timeline is a super valuable, but overlooked aspect of our goal setting. When we dream up a big goal we want it to come true tomorrow - obviously! But the more I’ve set huge goals for myself the more I realize how easy it is to self-sabotage my goal, simply because of a completely unrealistic timeline I’ve set for myself. Honestly, our dreams are more likely to be unachievable because of when we want them completed than because of the goal itself. Think about that. What a simple shift! One that you can 100% control and can therefore have greater control over the success of achieving the goal.

I do believe in setting a timeline for a goal, so you have a specific time you’re reaching for. But if 2020 has taught us anything, it’s the value of pivoting. Maybe you started out thinking you could reach your goal in 2 weeks, but the reality is 2 months is more doable. Give yourself the grace and space to adjust as you go. Don’t let it be the reason you ditch the goal altogether. There’s no failure in adjusting your plans & expectations, your goal is still waiting for you and will be amazing when you reach it!

My second top secret is to focus on tiny micro-goals. Ask yourself, what are all the tiny steps that will get you to your end goal? Those tiny steps don’t hold as much shine and appeal as the big end result, so they’re all too often swept to the side. But that’s my secret!

The tiny changes that you make on a daily basis are what get you to the end goal, let me explain why. The tiny changes are not only doable, they give you a quick feeling of a “win” right away. You feel success quickly, and you feel it every day, throughout the day. You gain confidence and momentum quickly, and you start adding to tiny goals because it’s doable.

Here’s an example. You set out to lose 25 pounds in the next 6 months. You decide to follow the plant-based diet you’ve been hearing so much about, despite the fact that you’ve eaten two vegan meals in your whole life. From the start, you’re giving yourself a tough hill to climb to get to your goal. To reach your goal you’re having to learn how to eat in a completely new way, and you’re likely to get a lot of resistance from your other family members as you start out. But what if it didn’t have to be so daunting? What if instead, you set out to start by drink 100 ounces of water every day? Then after a week of that, perhaps you incorporate two meatless meals into your weekly menu? A few weeks in you could add in 10 minutes of meditation each day to calm your nervous system.

See where I’m going? We need tiny micro changes to truly accomplish the big goals we set out to do. When we set out with a massive overhaul of our life and want to make the change in a short time we’re set up for disaster. Not that it can’t be done, but I’d question if it can be sustained in the long run. My secret to making incredible and lasting changes in your life is to start small, laughably small because it’s here that you can create new habits. You can stick to what you started and build on slowly. As I said, it took me years to realize this, because I love instant gratification as much as the next person, but we have to play the long game and start super tiny and that’s where the greatness lives!