Why Resolutions Suck: How to Create Real Change
What thoughts & feeling arise when you start thinking of the turn of a new year? Does your mind race to grand resolutions, changes and goals that you’ll tackle as soon as January hits? Do you feel a sense of nostalgia for the year past, or a sense of anticipation for the new year ahead? New years resolutions are an interesting concept, and get so packed with unrealistic expectations, they can feel doomed from the start. Let me share a couple of prior resolutions with you to help you understand how I’ve formed my beliefs around resolutions and more importantly how to make real lasting change in our lives. Let’s dig in, and I’ll share my candid experiences with two of the most common big resolutions, eating healthy and working out.
First up, the resolution to work out. If you follow me on this blog, or social media, you may assume that working-out has always been a habit for me. You see my post-workout pics on a regular basis and assume this has always been true for me. Not the case, there were years where I didn’t know what to try and felt lost in a sea of options. Check out this blog about “Why I’m here” if you want the full juicy story. So in the past, I followed the crowd, and come January I’d vow to workout 5 days a week for the month, ensuring I made it a habit and surely it would stick moving forward. I’m a goal driven person, so for January it did work, I’d stick to my calendar and make my new goals a reality. But then February I’d give myself some grace & leniency and 5 days a week turned into 3-4, by March I was bored with the workouts, and by April the resolution was a thing of the past.
So how did I change from making unsuccessful new years resolutions to having a workout regime I love and enjoy as part of my daily routine? Let me share the secret - I tuned into what I wanted, I listened to the “why” inside of me and let the wisdom be my guiding force. When my youngest daughter Hadley was nearly a year old I decided that I wanted to be in better shape, both on the inside and out, than I had been before having kids. She completed our family, so I wanted to show myself that I could be stronger than before I’d carried two beautiful babies inside my body. I wanted to be stronger physically but also mentally, because I could tell that juggling two young daughters, a full time career and often managing it solo while my husband travels for work, would be no joke. With my unique “why” as my guiding light I switched up my routine. Instead of online workouts in my home office, I devoted myself to going to my local Barre3 studio. I gave myself permission to take a full hour to myself, and while it took time to release the guilt around this, I did it. I had guilt about the cost, time commitment, taking that time for myself and not for my family or work, and more. But something inside me said I was right where I needed to be. I let the focus be on what was important to me, and in that moment I wanted to be strong. I didn’t care about a number on a scale, and I still don’t. I actually only weigh myself by force at the doctor, otherwise I purely go by how I feel and how I fit in my clothes, the number is irrelevant to me. Instead I focus on my “why.” Interestingly by taking my practice from the comfort of my own home to a studio full of people, I was able to let go of comparison. When I was home I could stay in my head and only draw from my own energy and thoughts, but when I step into a diverse room of people it fuels me. I was able to let go of the voice of comparison and celebrate my individuality and the uniqueness of those around me in the room. This is an hour I look forward to in the day. By listening to my why, and releasing comparison, I created a workout habit that has only gotten stronger over the last 4 years, and it’s all because I ignored resolutions and let my needs be the guiding force directing change.
Up next, how I created long lasting healthy eating habits for myself and our family. I am no different than anyone else that I see dramatic meal plans to try in January and I’m on board. I think “why not try, we can do anything for a month!” However, my husband is the exact opposite. He knows what he likes, and stays true to that, and is less than inspired when I try out my “fun” new ideas of change. One year my husband went to his annual doctor visit and was told that he was borderline type 2 diabetic. This was shocking, and scary, and not something we expected. Borderline was the blessing, and his doctor felt confident that if we committed to making some changes with regards to diet, his health picture could change and diabetes would no longer be a concern. Knowing that nutrition could swing the pendulum either way for him was something we took very seriously and we chose to focus on a Mediterranean diet. Our doctor highly recommended a Mediterranean diet, and I had already been following an amazing book “Good Food Great Medicine” by a local doctor, Dr. Miles Hassell. I recall the doctor saying “this is the only book I ever recommend to clients” so we felt comfortable and confident using this as a guideline. Since this wasn’t a stringent plan, we could both be on board. As an added challenge, my husband travels extensively for work; we all know how challenging it is to follow healthy eating habits on the road. The Mediterranean diet gave him frameworks and ideas of what he should order in a restaurant, and how to modify his stand-by favorites. We experimented with new recipes and I swear to you, this mid-western boy at heart, began asking for Tom Kah Gai soup and spinach & sausage frittata. Change was happening, slowly but surely.
The main point I want to make with regards to the dietary changes for us, is that we listened to our values. We were both motivated to avoid medications, and believed that change could be facilitated and maintained with diet & exercise. Our doctor also agreed with this approach, which I’m thankful for. This was an important value, again because he was a “borderline” status, so we had the luxury of this choice. We were motivated to avoid a long-term medication, when change could be achieved thru diet. This is an important value to us, and one we also want to demonstrate to our daughters.
When it comes to diet everyone wants a quick change to make a dramatic shift and see massive results in a tiny amount of time. From my experience that’s simply not where lasting change comes from. This isn’t what you’re going to want to hear, but you have to be committed to the long game, because that’s where lasting change happens. It’s in the choice to make two healthy swaps one week, that you wouldn’t have made the week before. It’s letting changes transpire slowly and naturally instead of being forced and hurried. This is true for so many areas of our lives, and certainly where diet and nutrition is concerned. This was the case with my husband’s diabetes threat and change in his overall health. The threat of type 2 diabetes is a thing of the past, and he’s stronger and healthier today than he ever has been. But this didn’t happen overnight. We were presented with a scare, and more importantly an opportunity for change, and we committed to the long game. We found a way of eating that is fueled by real food and not by a diet that we wouldn’t want to, or couldn’t stick to, for the long run.
So there you have it, my experience with resolutions. Did you ever hear a mention of starting and maintaining a resolution because January hit? Nope! I just don’t believe that’s how change happens. Choosing to make a change because of a date on a calendar isn’t motivating in the long-term. Here’s a list of what I believe are incredible motivators and influences, that can empower you to create any lasting change in your life:
Listen to your unique “why”
Let go of comparison
Focus on your values
Embrace your uniqueness and let it guide you
Above all else, I encourage you to not let anyone else tell you how to prioritize your goals. Change is created by a fuel of fire within you, and only you will hold yourself accountable at the end of the day. If your motivators are determined by what’s truly important to you as an individual, incredible change can happen. I encourage you to focusing inward, listening to your inner voice and be open to following its guidance.
If this message hit home with you, and you’d like to learn more about approach to wellness, visit the Free Resources page to grab any of the fantastic resources available to support your holistic health!